Like As We Are: Hebrews 4:15-16

As I took my daily lap around the block recently, I carried this scripture with me on an index card to study:

Hebrews 4:15-16

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.  Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

I was first introduced to these verses by my dad, and they have been a favorite ever since.  

On this particular day, the phrase that came to life for me was this: in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.  I get upset with myself for having imperfect thoughts and desires.  I feel unworthy and want to shrink away from God.  To me, this verse said that Christ experienced these same imperfect thoughts and desires, but that did not make him unclean.  If he was truly tempted in all points the way we are, then he must have felt jealousy, anger, lust, despair and a longing to do all kinds of things that were not right.  It occurred to me that I do not need to beat myself up for those thoughts and feelings--for feeling tempted.  It is not the fact that we feel tempted that we need to focus on, but rather what we do in the face of that temptation.  I felt stronger when I thought that instead of worrying so much about what a bad person I am for having these impure thoughts and desires, I can focus on not acting on them.  In other words, being tempted is not a sin in and of itself.  I find it extremely comforting to imagine Christ experiencing the exact same temptations I do.  I truly believe that he did, and it makes me feel like I'm not alone at all, and that he is not feeling disgusted with me.  If I can say, "Okay, this is a temptation.  There is nothing wrong with feeling tempted," it frees up a lot of my energy and strength to focus on what I will choose to do next. 

There is a good companion scripture to this one that I will end with.

Hebrews 2: 16-18

For verily he took not on him the nature of angels; but he took on him the seed of Abraham.  Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.  For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.

Wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores: Isaiah 1 and Revelation 3

I recently returned from a one week vacation with my husband in Europe.  On the plane ride over, I wrote down these passages that I wanted to write about when I got home:

Isaiah 1: 2-19
2 Hear, O heavens, and give ear, O earth: for the Lord hath spoken, I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me.
3 The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider.
4 Ah sinful nation, a people laden with iniquity...they have forsaken the Lord...they are gone away backward.
5 ...ye will revolt more and more: the whole head is sick, and the whole heart is faint.
6 From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it; but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores: they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment...
10 Hear the word of the Lord...give ear unto the law of our God...
13 Bring no more vain oblations...
16 Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil;
17 Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.
18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
19 If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land...

Revelation 3: 17-20
17 Because thou sayest, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked:
18 I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear; and anoint thine eyes with eyesalve, that thou mayest see...
20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. 


In the Isaiah passage, the thing that first drew me in was the Lord's description of what each of us is like without God in our lives: our heads are sick, our hearts are diseased, our whole bodies are filled with injury, covered in wounds, bruises, and putrifying sores which have not been closed, bound up, or soothed with ointment.  This is similar to His description of us in the passage from Revelation: we are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked.  These images of myself are very comforting.  They really lower the bar, and remind me that I can't rely on myself, which is what I am usually trying to do. 

Each passage also gives us directions for returning to God for healing and strength:  Hear the word of the Lord, give ear unto his law, rid myself of hypocrisy, wash myself, put away the evil of my doings, cease to do evil, learn to do well, relieve the oppressed, plead for the widow, be willing and obedient, buy gold and white raiment from God, anoint my eyes with eyesalve, hear God's voice and open the door to him.

We are also given a vision of what we can be with God at our side: white as snow or wool; eating the good of the land; rich; clothed and saved from the shame of our nakedness; able to see.

I hope that today at least, I can remember to lean on the Lord for strength.
 

He shall not be utterly cast down: Psalms 37:23-24

I like these scriptures about falling. They teach me that God will uphold us when we fall, that there is a difference between falling and being 'utterly cast down', and that good men fall, repeatedly. 

I typically try to avoid falling altogether.  When I do fall I tend to get really upset with myself and spiral down from there.  I want to get better at just falling and getting back up, falling and getting back up, falling and getting back up.  I want to accept falling as a regular part of life so I can get up again instead of falling further and further down.  I want to let my friends help me up when I fall, and I want to be able to help them up when they fall.  This is reminding me of "Ring Around the Rosie:"  Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down.

Psalms 37: 23-24

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.

 Psalms 145:14 

The Lord upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down.

Psalms 56:13  
For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?

Psalms 116: 8 
For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.

Proverbs 24:16 
For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.

Micah 7: 8

Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me.

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

Such and such things: 2 Samuel 12:7-9

Here is a scripture I really like.  It is from the story of King David in the Old Testament.  In the first six verses of this chapter, the prophet Nathan has come to rebuke David for putting Uriah in harm's way so that he could have his wife, Bathsheba.  Nathan tells David the story of a rich man and a poor man.  The rich man has many sheep.  The poor man only has one little lamb, but he loves her like a daughter.  A guest comes to the rich man's house, and instead of killing one of his many sheep to feed the traveler, the rich man takes the poor man's precious lamb and kills it.  When David hears this story he is outraged by the injustice of the rich man.  Then Nathan tells David that he is the selfish rich man in the story.  Nathan says (2 Samuel 12:7-9):

 7 ...Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul;

 8 And I gave thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things.

 9 Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in his sight?  


Why am I so struck by this passage?  The Lord points out the many rich blessings he has given David and then says to him that if those things had not been enough, he would have given David even more.  It is God's generosity that strikes me.  Suppose that David, instead of taking matters into his own hands,  had sought the Lord's help.  What if he had told the Lord that there was something missing in his life and he was sorely tempted to fill that need in a sinful way.  God could have given David what he was missing if he had asked, and it would have been something far better and more healing than another man's wife.   It would have had the power to fill that hole in David's soul permanently and perfectly. 

What if each time I wanted to reach for a cookie to comfort myself, I instead knelt and asked for God's help?  I could count on him to give me what I need.  When I try to comfort myself with a dessert, I don't actually feel comforted--I feel worse than ever.  That hole in me gets bigger, not smaller.  Can I have faith in God's kindness and generosity to ask him to provide the things I need, instead of seeking to provide them for myself? 

Building a Ship, Building a Temple: 1 Nephi 17-18 & 2 Nephi 5

The first story in the Book of Mormon is about the family of a man named Lehi.  Lehi is warned by God to take his wife and children into the desert to escape the destruction of Jerusalem in approximately 600 BC.  At the end of their eight year journey in the wilderness, Lehi's son Nephi is told by God to build a ship to take himself and his family across the ocean to the New World, where they establish themselves on the American continent.  Although Nephi is not a builder or a seaman by trade, he accepts God's instructions to build a ship, and is taught by the Lord exactly how to go about it.  Here is the scriptural account of building the ship:

 1 Nephi 17:8-11, 16-19, 49-51; 1 Nephi 18:1-4

8 And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto me [Nephi], saying: Thou shalt construct a ship, after the manner which I shall show thee, that I may carry thy people across these waters.

9 And I said: Lord, whither shall I go that I may find ore to molten, that I may make tools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?

10 And it came to pass that the Lord told me whither I should go to find ore, that I might make tools.

11 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did make a bellows wherewith to blow the fire, of the skins of beasts; and after I had made a bellows, that I might have wherewith to blow the fire, I did smite two stones together that I might make fire... 

16 And it came to pass that I did make tools of the ore which I did molten out of the rock.

17 And when my brethren saw that I was about to build a ship, they began to murmur against me, saying: Our brother is a fool, for he thinketh that he can build a ship; yea, and he also thinketh that he can cross these great waters.

18 And thus my brethren did complain against me, and were desirous that they might not labor, for they did not believe that I could build a ship; neither would they believe that I was instructed of the Lord.

19 And now it came to pass that I, Nephi, was exceedingly sorrowful because of the hardness of their hearts; and now when they saw that I began to be sorrowful they were glad in their hearts, insomuch that they did rejoice over me, saying: We knew that ye could not construct a ship, for we knew that ye were lacking in judgment; wherefore, thou canst not accomplish so great a work...  

49 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto them that they should murmur no more against their father; neither should they withhold their labor from me, for God had commanded me that I should build a ship.

50 And I said unto them: If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done.

51 And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?

1 And it came to pass that they [Nephi's brothers] did worship the Lord, and did go forth with me; and we did work timbers of curious workmanship. And the Lord did show me from time to time after what manner I should work the timbers of the ship.

2 Now I, Nephi, did not work the timbers after the manner which was learned by men, neither did I build the ship after the manner of men; but I did build it after the manner which the Lord had shown unto me; wherefore, it was not after the manner of men.

3 And I, Nephi, did go into the mount oft, and I did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto me great things.

4 And it came to pass that after I had finished the ship, according to the word of the Lord, my brethren beheld that it was good, and that the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine; wherefore, they did humble themselves again before the Lord.

I read this both as a literal account and as an allegory, in which I am trying to do a difficult project that the Lord has asked me to do (like raise my children), and not only is there the struggle to do something hard that I've never done before, but there are discouraging thoughts and voices in my mind, like Nephi's brothers, telling me I can't do it.  How does Nephi respond to his brothers' attacks?  He was 'exceedingly sorrowful' at first, but he was also confident that his errand was from God, and he rebuked them and expressed his faith in God's ability to make him equal to the task.  Nephi tells us that the way he built the ship was a unique process described to him by God, and not the way men usually built such things.  He learned how to do this by getting started, and being shown by God 'from time to time', how to proceed.  Nephi also says that he went to the mount often and prayed often to God for guidance, and was shown many great things. I like the idea that as I work hard and seek God's guidance, he will teach me his own way for me to accomplish my mission, and it will not necessarily resemble the way others have done it. 

The next part of Nephi's story happens after he and his family have successfully crossed the ocean on the boat they built together.  As they work to establish themselves in their new home, Nephi is able to do many important things as a result of the knowledge and skill he acquired by building that ship:

2 Nephi 5:14-17

14 And I, Nephi, did take the sword of Laban, and after the manner of it did make many swords, lest by any means the people who were now called Lamanites should come upon us and destroy us; for I knew their hatred towards me and my children and those who were called my people.

15 And I did teach my people to build buildings, and to work in all manner of wood, and of iron, and of copper, and of brass, and of steel, and of gold, and of silver, and of precious ores, which were in great abundance.

16 And I, Nephi, did build a temple; and I did construct it after the manner of the temple of Solomon save it were not built of so many precious things; for they were not to be found upon the land, wherefore, it could not be built like unto Solomon’s temple. But the manner of the construction was like unto the temple of Solomon; and the workmanship thereof was exceedingly fine.

He makes swords and he teaches his people to build buildings, and to work with wood and metals.  His crowning achievement is building a temple.  I like the symbolism of learning how to build a temple by first building a boat.  I like the idea that Nephi was taught of the Lord, and through his own faith and hard work, to find ore, make a bellows, build a fire, molten the ore from the rock, make tools, and finally work timber with those tools to make a ship.  He used all of these skills again to build a temple.

What hard thing has God asked you to do that can only be accomplished with His help and guidance?  What skills are you developing now that you may need in the future for an even greater task? 

But what are they among so many? John 6: 9-13

Lisa Pratt left a comment on Facebook for me about my last post.  She said it reminded her of Dieter Uchtdorf's address to the women of the church (and the world) entitled "Forget Me Not."  I had not yet read that message, but since this was the second time this week that someone has recommended the talk to me, I decided it was time to look at it. 

The talk is structured around five things that we should not forget (like the five petals on the forget-me-not flower).  The first is "forget not to be patient with yourself."  President Uchtdorf encourages us to "celebrate our good efforts," to stop comparing ourselves to others, to be compassionate with ourselves, and to stop punishing ourselves for our weaknesses and short-comings.  He says,

be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement... If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences... Our journey toward perfection is long, but we can find wonder and delight in even the tiniest steps in that journey.

I always appreciate reminders to focus on small successes and tiny steps.  I am definitely one to focus on my (glaring) lack of perfection rather than the efforts I'm making to improve.  Another reminder here is to be thankful for our small successes and tiniest steps in the right direction.  Gratitude can help us notice and appreciate "life's sweetest experiences", and it can help us to "find wonder and delight." 

As I searched for the word 'small' in the scriptures tonight, this passage caught my eye: John 6:9-13.  The Savior wants to feed the giant crowd that has gathered to see him.  He asks one of his disciples how they can get enough bread for everyone.  Another disciple overhears the conversation and says:

9 There is a lad here, which hath five barley loaves, and two small fishes: but what are they among so many?

 10 And Jesus said, Make the men sit down. Now there was much grass in the place. So the men sat down, in number about five thousand.

 11 And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fishes as much as they would.

 12 When they were filled, he said unto his disciples, Gather up the fragments that remain, that nothing be lost.

 13 Therefore they gathered them together, and filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the five barley loaves, which remained over and above unto them that had eaten.

  

The five barley loaves and two small fishes, compared to the hunger of five thousand men, was comical.  "What are they among so many?"  What are my tiny and pathetic little attempts compared to all that I need to change and improve to become the person I want to be?  The first thing Jesus does with this miniscule offering is to give thanks.  This is a place I could improve.  Instead of criticizing my efforts, I could thank God for my small successes, as President Uchtdorf encourages us to do.  After thanking God, Christ distributes the food--he shares it with all who will partake.  That is another thing I can do--share myself with others.  The super negative thinking about myself that I indulge in isolates me from others.  It is the opposite of giving thanks for what I can do and sharing that small offering with my brothers and sisters.  Through our Savior's love and power, those little loaves of bread and small fishes were more than enough to fill all who were there, with twelve baskets left over.   Through his love and power, I can be more than enough as well.

Thirsty: Isaiah 41:17-18

I'm still in my dark place, struggling to "feel inspired" enough to write anything on my new scripture blog.  But I really want to do this each day, for both the writing and the scripture time it gives me.  So I'll just share a favorite scripture with you, in lieu of something new that I've discovered today.  I have been trying to memorize this passage from Isaiah 41

17 When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the Lord will hear them, I the God of Israel will not forsake them.

 18 I will open rivers in high places, and fountains in the midst of the valleys: I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.

This is a passage I discovered recently, within the past year or so.  It was not at all familiar to me.  Perhaps that is why I find it so beautiful.  I like the idea that the poor and needy are seeking water, and the Lord does not immediately intervene.  He does not prevent them from feeling thirst.  They search and find no water.  Their tongue faileth for thirst.  They already feel abandoned, I imagine.  They are suffering.  They are trying and failing.  Yet the Lord promises that he will hear them and not forsake them.  But he does not say when he will help them get the water they are so desperate for.  Perhaps these thirsty people feel like they have waited long enough.  They are really, really thirsty, and are doing their best to find water, but there is none--or so they believe.  The Lord promises so much water--he will open rivers, fountains, pools of water, springs of water.  But he does not say when he will do this, and he does not do this right away.  This is the kind of faith we need to develop if we can.  The faith that he hears us, he has not forsaken us, he will not forsake us.  He can make water come from places we never imagined, more water than we ever dreamed of.  But we need to be patient and wait upon him.  

I guess I'm feeling thirsty right now.  I feel the darkness of the world.  I feel a bit of despair and hopelessness.  I feel like I just keep failing and failing.  Although I did not feel inspired as I began to write this,  just reading this scripture again has lifted me up.  I can see myself in these poor, needy, thirsty people, and I don't want to give up on the Lord.  The water will come when the time is right.