Looking for help, joy, and wisdom: Hosea 13:9 and D&C 136: 29, 32-33

My spirits are low today.  Last fall I tried a very strict diet and lost a lot of weight in a short period of time.  I felt elated.  I felt like Superwoman.  I felt so strong and good.  About 40 days into the diet, I fell off the wagon.  At first I tried repeatedly to get back on.  My weight went back up a little, but my repeated efforts to follow the diet, even if only for a day or two, helped me to keep most of it off.   

More recently, I have completely given up following any diet at all.  I have gone back to my least healthy way of eating, and I have gained a lot of weight very quickly.  Last night I got on the scale and saw that I'd had finally gained back all of the weight I lost in the fall. 

This morning I told myself that I had to stop this unhealthy way of eating.  I went to the grocery store and refused to buy any of the treats that I usually get.  As I drove home from the store, my heart felt broken.  I felt like there would be no pleasure or happiness in my life if I took away my treats.  Hearing myself think this, I could see how plainly false such a thought had to be.  I tried to think of things in my life besides dessert that bring me happiness.  I tried to think of how empty the "happiness" that I get from treats really is.  It is a momentary pleasure that simultaneously makes me despise myself and feel sick to my stomach. 

When I got home, I realized that I'd forgotten two things at the store that I needed, so we went out again.  This time I bought lots of treats for myself, and ate them all.  I felt sick, but I kept eating them until they were gone.  I thought, I can't live without these treats, and I can't live with them, either, because of how they make me feel and what they do to my body.  This line of thinking may have something to do with my low spirits today.  Self-deprecating smile.

Now the day is nearly over, and I'm trying to find a scripture to write about.  Here are a few that I keep coming back to:

Hosea 13:9  O Israel, thou hast destroyed thyself; but in me is thine help.

This one says to me, try to get help from God with this.  If you try to do it alone, you will destroy yourself.  You are destroying yourself by trying to find happiness and comfort in food.  

D&C 136:29 If thou art sorrowful, call on the Lord thy God with supplication, that your souls may be joyful.

Find solace in prayer, not in food.  God not only provides solace, but joy.  See if a brownie can do that.

D&C 136:32-33 Let him that is ignorant learn wisdom by humbling himself and calling upon the Lord his God, that his eyes may be opened that he may see, and his ears opened that he may hear; For my Spirit is sent forth into the world to enlighten the humble and contrite...

I can ask the Lord to help me understand why I turn to food and how to learn to turn to something better.  He can teach me another way.  If I can be humble and contrite he can enlighten me through his Spirit.  (Ugh.  I'm so sick of myself.)

Here is a great quote before I close:

"Humility is not the disavowal of our worth; rather, it is the sober realization of how much we are valued by God." (Neal A. Maxwell)